I’ve had a few weeks off. I wasn’t planning to, but it had got to the point where the idea of having to switch my laptop on in the evening was just TOO HARD so I thought a break was in order. Sometimes, it all just gets a bit much.
Things that were depressing me
-The amazing non-sleeping baby
-Friends with babies the same age saying how great it is now they’re sleeping through the night, and me saying ‘Oh that sounds lovely, we’re still being woken up every two hours ha ha’ and them doing sympathetic head tilts at me
-The losing weight is FUN! switch in my head had turned itself off, and I’d really piled it on
-None of my clothes fit me (see above)
-One of my toenails really hurt
-I still can’t open the petrol cap on the car, so my husband has to fill it up for me. This is mortifying, but I just can’t do it (and the power of positive thinking has left me looking like an arse on the forecourt as I spin the cap round repeatedly trying to make it click properly on more than one occasion)
Things I’ve done to try to improve things
-Been horrified by several recent photos, and started losing weight again. I’m short, I just don’t carry excess well
-Managed to fit my arse into a few more bits of clothing (VERY dull only having one pair of trousers you can actually get into)
-Been to the GP for the pill, and to get on the waiting list to see a dermatologist. I think I need Roaccutane again
-Cursed everyone who told me that having a baby would stop adult acne. It hasn’t. Thanks all.
-Been to the podiatrist again and got her to sort the sad toenail out
-Accepted that my baby won’t sleep for more than two hours at a time till he’s ready, and I can replace the car in two years, and get one with a petrol cap that doesn’t need witchcraft to open it
Things are looking up!
I meant to write this last week, when it actually was a month since I returned to work, but I was so knackered I just went to bed instead. Sorry about that. Everyone told me I’d be tired, and in my head I went ‘I’m tired now, why would that stop when I’m back at work?’ but no, it’s actually worse! Because even when I haven’t had much sleep, I have to put on grown up clothes and blowdry my hair and sit in meetings with a notebook saying things like ‘What KPIs are you putting in place to keep the team on track?’ (not really, I’d poke myself in the eye if I ever sounded like that. But I do say work stuff, whereas maternity leave was very much about reading Peepo on repeat all week and saying ‘Oh dear, you bumped yourself, shall Mummy have a look?’ very calmly while inwardly panicking and thinking ‘please Lord, don’t let that be actual blood coming out of your still very small head.’)
So, how is it going? I feel very settled and like being back in my old chair, which survived a furniture cull which took all the other chairs just like it away and replaced them with terrible new ergonomic ones. I like having an income again, and a commute all by myself (CD of the week-Les Mis, as I’ve finally seen the film and am OBSESSED) and I like having a lunch break and seeing my work friends and being able to make phone calls in hours of daylight without having it take three times as long due to a wailey baby shutting his fingers in a drawer/trying to suck electrical cables/finding the recycling pile and wanting to eat or roll in it. I love how jolly the baby is when he sees his key workers every morning, and how delighted he is when I pick him up in the evenings. I’d rather not be asleep by half eight most evenings, and one week in particular felt like it was never going to end, but I’m getting there. And I feel more myself again, and I like that very much. Some things are helping (packing the car with everything I need for the next day in the evening, early nights, more takeaways than we’d usually have, the joy that is realising I have a handy Ella’s Kitchen pouch in the cupboard when I’ve forgotten to defrost something for the baby’s lunch) and some things not helping so much (having a cold, the baby teething, my husband starting a new job further away and getting home much later). We’re getting there, and I think it’s going to be just fine.